Balloon Fiesta 2012

Ever since my parents started coming to Albuquerque on a yearly basis for the balloon festival, I've been itching to go as well.

Imagine my excitement when Tom got the job down here -- and I figured out we would actually be living in ABQ for the Fiesta. Squeeeeeeeee.

The Balloon Festival happens every year, in the first week of October. This year, it started October 6, and goes until October 14. All of the events were cancelled on the very first day due to high winds, so I made plans to visit my Uncle's house on the second day (he lives only a few miles from the park where they launch the balloons, and the wind usually blows them right to and over his house...sometimes even landing in his yard).

Of course, the day I show up at his house at the ass crack of dawn for the balloons, there was no wind. This was the best shot I could get:

As you can see, nothing special. Lol.

I figured if I was going to guarantee myself the opportunity to see 550 balloons take off and land, I needed to be right in the middle of the action.

So I answered a 4:30am wake-up call, got the kids piled into the car, loaded up my camera, and drove to the park.

It was totally worth it.

I'm relieved that I finally got out there for the shots. Every morning since the Festival started, I have felt apprehensive at not getting out there to experience the event -- and allow Thad to experience the same.

Now that we've both seen it with our own two eyes, we can sleep in. Lol.

I probably won't partake in balloon festivities again until 2015...when Charlotte is old enough to realize what it is and get all excited about it. Maybe by then, Thad will be more into it - this year, he was complaining that he was bored about 15 minutes into the whole thing.

Oye.

3 months

I can't believe Charlotte is already 3 months old, today.

Milestone-wise, she's right on par with about a 5-week old. She is really starting to show us her smile, and has started to show a true interest in objects and things that allow for some stimulation.

We put her in her swing for the first time yesterday. At first, she was kind of freaked out--arms spread out, eyes wide--then she got used to it. Then she was cooing and smiling at the little animals on the tray in front of her. It was pretty sweet to witness.

At her appointment last week, she measured 22 inches long and 8lbs 12oz. That's a 5 pound, 5 inch gain since birth. :)  We're pretty pleased with that kind of growth.

Admittedly, though, it makes me sad. Of course I don't wish for her to still be a 3-pounder. But as she approaches 9 pounds, I am quickly reminded of the fact that the next time I turn around, she will be 25 pounds, no longer a great cuddler, and will be working on her independence. Ugh. I haaaaate that feeling.

Anyways, on to the photos. The shoot was pretty last-minute, and she cried...a lot. Lol. But I got quite a few I was pleased with.

I threw one of Thad in at the end because he was begging me to take his photo. I don't really like the look he has in it, but he was so desperate to have his photo taken...how could I not?

Oh! Forgot to add - my Uncle came over yesterday while Tom was at work, and helped me to re-build Thad's old crib (I wanted it to be a surprise for Tom, and it was!). So Charlotte is FINALLY in her own room. :)

Also, the Balloon Festival starts in ABQ on Saturday. OMG, prepare yourselves for the photos. I can't fracking wait.

Rise and shine.

Ten weeks into our journey with Charlotte, and we are still trying to really establish an evening routine. We have the routine part of it down, it's just a matter of timing.

Because she is 10 weeks old, but is technically only 2 weeks old (maturity wise), she still sleeps about 22 hours a day. Lol. She isn't awake very often. Her most "awake" period is in the mornings, right after her 9am(ish) bottle, and then in the evenings between 6 and 9 - that's what I call "the witching hour." She only wants to be held by me, and she has to have her paci in her mouth at all times. You will hate your life if you do not abide by her rules at this time of the night. Lol.

Once we give her the last evening bottle, she gives us two long stretches -- her first stretch is usually about 5 hours (so we are up to feed around 2am), and then her next stretch is anywhere from 4 to 6 hours (usually 4). She is usually up eating at about the time that Tom is getting ready for work.

After that, I pull her into bed with me and we sleep for another 3 hours. Well, she sleeps for another 3 hours. Thad is usually up around 8 now, so I get another hour to hour-and-a-half. Sometimes I can convince Thad that he needs to lay in bed with mommy and Charlotte and watch a movie.

On those mornings, I usually feel pretty well rested.

Today was one of those mornings. We had fun with the camera, both before and after Charlotte ate.

Albuquerque State Fair

We went to the fair today.

I told everyone to wear something flattering and nice because I was going to be bringing my camera and wanted to take some lifestyle family shots.

The truth of the matter is, it was hot as bejeezus outside, and I really didn't want to take my camera out. Lol.

I did, however, catch a break toward the end of our trip. I was hanging out with the baby in the shade while Tom and Thad rode the swings. It felt really good to just sit there and take photos, having fun and trying to be creative.

The very last image we have decided is going to be in print in Charlotte's room, which - we also decided tonight - will probably be painted yellow with polka dots. Love.

And in case you were wondering what we did with Charlotte for the day, she was busy being a nudist. She started out with clothes...but yeah. It was too damn hot for clothes.

Lol.

Oh! Oh!

And I forgot to add -- these are going in the mail sometime this week. They are a little overdue, I will certainly admit...

...but better late than never, right?

They'll also include a 4x6 of one of her newborn photos. Unless we're talking about grandparents and siblings - then the announcement will include a 5x7.

I will be so happy when this has been taken care of. I swear, it's almost time for her 6-month photos.

Life update

I realized about a week ago that I was in desperate need of an update to my blahg. Even then, I never found the time (or, really, the motivation) to actually write the update. Hopefully, now that I am finally getting around to it, I can keep up with it and won't have to do a big ol' long update again anytime soon.

The last time I wrote, I was venting my frustrations about having a baby in the NICU. Well, the good news is that Charlotte came home shortly after that post, on August 3 - just one day shy of being one month old. As soon as she started drinking entire bottles at a time, consistently, Tom and I were on a full 48-hour countdown. On that last night, Tom literally sat by the phone all night long. At 2am, 5am, and 8am, he called the nurse on duty to see if she had eaten. When Tom got the news at the 8am feeding that she had officially eaten all of her bottles for 48 hours straight, he came to deliver the good news with tears in his eyes.

My husband is such an amazing father.

Anyways, we busted her out shortly thereafter, and have been taking her picture ever since (are you surprised???).

 

 Charlotte had her first doctor's appointment shortly after we got home from the hospital. Everything checked out well - she is measuring in the 90th percentile for the size of her head, but the 20th percentile for everything else. Lol. She's real small, and she has a HUGE brain. ;)

 

 Not long after Charlotte was born, Tom got word from a law firm in Albuquerque that there were availabilities and he flew down there to interview right away. They called us a week later to let us know that he had beat out 20 other applicants and he got the job.

So, we packed up our shiz, and headed Southwest to New Mexico. :)

In these two pictures, you can see Thad in the background, lol, sitting on the floor, watching a movie on my laptop. Tom literally took everything we owned except the kitchen table, an air mattress, and my laptop. We lived like that, with my mom, for a week. OMG, I hope I never have to do it again. Normally, we would have ventured to our new home as a family, but Tom's start date at his new job was the same date as my last final exam.

That's right, kids. I am DONE with law school.

 

Once we got to New Mexico, Charlotte was verrrry happy to see her daddy. ;)

The other day, my grandma drove down from Evergreen to meet her newest great-grandchild. Charlotte fell asleep on her. :)

 

Aaaaand...I got an iPhone again. Thank God.

So prepare yourselves for a helluvalotta Instagram pics.

This was my recent attempt at newborn photos with Charlotte. She wasn't having any of it. But I think I'm happy enough with the outcome to send them out to family and friends. Lol.

And, not to be forgotten, of course...the most handsome big brother in the world.

Thaddeus is getting better and better with Charlotte. I think I've posted some of these photos before, so I apologize. But I love them so much...I captured some real nice ones of Thad in his element before we left Michigan for good. I feel like he has changed already so much since we moved down to New Mexico, it's weird.

He already has friends in the neighborhood that he plays with every night and on the weekends. It's a group of about 4 little boys, all the same age, who race their bikes up and down the street, play basketball in each other's yards, look for lizards under rocks, and make up some pretty crazy stories about how they wrestled a rattlesnake or got bit by a scorpion.

Thad's farewell to his friends in Michigan was a pretty good time. I threw a last-minute birthday party for him at the local bowling alley. I wanted Thad to have one more chance to see his friends and say goodbye. I was pretty emotional about pulling my child away from the life he had made there over the last 5 years. He's made some great friends - as have I - and I was terrified that he would not be able to find another group of people that would welcome him so lovingly and let him jump in to their little circle of friends.

I totally underestimated my child. He is thriving.

Both of them are.

And for that, I am so, so thankful. This new life that we are creating has been amazing thus far. We love New Mexico, and it's relative closeness to places like Colorado and Vegas. We love the food down here. We love having family so close. We love the friends we have made. We love having a paycheck. Lmao.

This was the best decision we could have possibly made for our family.

Life in the NICU

I am officially at the end of my rope. I'm hanging from the bottom, and I'm starting to get creative...looking around for anything and everything to grab a hold of, to keep me dangling just a little bit longer.

Charlotte is 36 weeks, today. Doctors have told us - on several occasions - that they have very high hopes of her going home in the 36th week. Normally, I'd say, "Let the countdown begin," but I feel like I have been drained of any optimism or hope. As we settle into our routine of going to the hospital on a daily basis, things are beginning to feel like they will never change. Will my daughter spend her 16th birthday in the NICU? Lol, sometimes it feels that way.

All we are waiting on right now is for Charlotte to eat - every feeding - her entire bottle for 48 hours straight (so, no use of the feeding tube). Her patterns of doing so are all over the place, and yet they are consistent. For example, last night she ate her entire bottle at 11pm, nippled 30mL at 2am, ate her entire bottle at 5am, nippled 24mL for me at 8am, and then ate her entire bottle for me at 11am. So she's batting .500, it seems. But we can't guarantee which bottles she will eat, and which ones she won't.

My frustration comes with the fact that every time we look close to getting there, we have a "set back." The first set back was a nurse declaring that Charlotte is too aggressive when she eats, and needed a preemie nipple to slow the flow of milk. That's fine - but she has to work a bit harder. Which means she tires out a bit faster.

The second set back came today, when I was told that an occupational therapist had been called to evaluate Charlotte's eating habits. I suppose this isn't really a "set back," per se, it's just frustrating. Doctors are concerned with the voracity at which she eats and they want to teach her to pace herself...but how long will this take? Are we looking at an extra week in the NICU while we "work" with her?

I will admit, Tom and I have started to dread feeding times ("care times," as they call it at the hospital -- every three hours she gets a diaper change, her blood pressure checked, her temperature checked, and the nurses listen to her heart/lungs and feel her belly). They are incredibly scary for two parents who have never been to medical school. Every newborn must know how to suck/swallow/breathe when eating. Charlotte's problem is that she does this: suck/swallow/suck/swallow/suck/swallow/suck/swallow/suck/swallow...turn purple and scare the shit out of mom and dad...breathe. Sometimes it takes her 2 seconds to breathe...other times it takes her 30 seconds.

We are learning not to panic when this happens. In fact, when the alarms go off because she is no longer breathing, the nurses just kind of glance in our general direction and continue doing what they're doing.

So yes, she definitely needs some sort of help (or maturity - this could very well be a product of her small size and young gestational age). I don't argue that at all. I just wish she didn't. I wish she could catch on and just come home already.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of having my baby in the NICU. I'm tired of working around tubes and wires every time I pick her up. I'm tired of taking her temperature every 3 hours. I'm tired of wondering what my child looks like without an orange fucking tube sticking out of her nose. I'm tired of missing out on things like her first bath, the day her belly button cord fell off, etc.

I'm tired of having to explain to my 4-year-old, "No buddy, mommy can't hang out with you right now. I have to go to the hospital."

I'm tired of having to sign in and go through several barriers of security to see my own daughter. I'm tired of having to wash my hands to my elbows every 14 seconds.

I'm tired of people asking me when she will be coming home.

Charlotte is a perfectly healthy little girl. She just needs to learn to eat properly. And because of that, I am tired of her spending her days in a plastic tub on a rolling cart when she isn't spending it in Tom's arms or mine.

I am tired of people demanding my attention, as if I have any time to give them. I have always been a good friend. I will be there for you when you need me. I will listen to what you have to say, or give you my shoulder to cry on. But right now? Right now I have a fucking baby in the NICU and when I'm not with her, I am with my other child. He needs my love and attention, too. For once, I can't be a good friend. I'm tired of people not understanding that.

I am tired of people who expect me to send them updates all the time, without them asking. Please forgive me if I am not thinking of you or your needs at this time. And I am tired of those same people giving me the silent treatment as if I should be punished, because I am being so "selfish."

And yes, there are people out there right now who are trying to make me feel as if I am selfish. As if devoting myself to my children 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, is some sort of sin. It's amazing what you learn about friends and family in a time like this.

I am tired of attaching myself to a machine every 3 hours to pump breast milk. This was not exactly what I had in mind when I learned I was pregnant and swore I'd dedicate myself to breastfeeding once my child was born.

I am tired of saying, "See you tomorrow," to my own daughter, just 3 weeks old.

I am really fucking tired of everything.

Thankfully, at this time, we have some really phenomenal people who have surrounded Tom, Thad, and me and truly embraced us. I have learned that it is better to say, "Thank you," than, "No thank you," at times like these. I don't typically allow others to help me, even when I am desperately in need. But I've learned to let them now. I didn't want to accept all the meals that people we didn't even know were delivering to our doorstep...but wow did those meals come in handy. I am so thankful for those people.

A woman I have never met made Charlotte a quilt.

Another woman I have never met owns a local bakery - she made a special frosting just for me, and had 6 cupcakes delivered to my home.

The mother of a good friend of mine has taken me under her wing and essentially made me feel like I was her own daughter. She has come to see Charlotte in the NICU, she had Tom and I over for dinner last weekend, she has made us meals, and she most recently has made an incredibly generous offer to help us get out to New Mexico in a couple weeks.

People like the ones I have mentioned are the ones who are helping me to successfully dangle from this rope, even when I feel like I could lose my grip at any moment. I'm so thankful for these people in our lives.

These people make me feel like I can push just a little further and hold on just a little longer. If you are reading this, and you are one of those people, thank you.