Holy hell, it's cold.

Seriously.

Spring has been here for all of 7 days, and I swear it has actually gotten colder.

Tonight, when Thad went outside to play with his little girlfriend next door, I had him bundled up in a long-sleeved shirt, a sweatshirt, AND a down jacket. And mittens.

Maybe that's why he had this weird look on his face? Lol.

We're trying something new here in the Jeter household, in order to try and curb this attitude problem that Thad seems to have.

At 3 1/2 years old, his favorite words and phrases consist of things like, "NO!," or, "Shut your mouth!," or, "It's NOT FAIR!," or, "Don't talk to me!"

So yeah, it needs to stop. He doesn't seem to get the message when we say things like, "If you smart off one more time, you're going to bed early." In fact, I don't even think he cares if he goes to bed early because he has a bad ass bedroom with every toy a boy could ever dream of (including a basketball hoop and a tent). 

So the new plan is a behavior chart. He gets three strikes during the day - at the third strike, he gets a skull and crossbones sticker for the day. If he doesn't get three strikes, he gets a monster truck sticker for the day. Seven monster trucks later, he can go to Chuck E. Cheese.

So far, so good. But we'll see how long it lasts.

I swear, this child has more willfulness, stubbornness, and heard-headedness than Tom and I combined.

Sundays.

There's something about Sunday that I absolutely love. It's like no matter what is going on in my life - whether I'm single or married, a mother or not, working or studying - the day is always reserved for the same feelings of relaxation, and the same desire to spend it with the people that I love.

Today was just that - a perfect Sunday.

It started off with my wonderful husband allowing me to sleep in (have I mentioned before how wonderful he is????), while he hung out with Thad. When I came downstairs, I watched the two of them play some idiotic game of basketball that required one person to lay directly under the hoop and consistently take a ball to the face, each time the other scored. All 3 of us were laughing so hard.

Then I got to cuddle in bed with Thad during nap time (because yes, after sleeping in, I still needed a nap...it's the meds. Don't judge.).

After that, the 3 of us headed out to Java Gym so Thad could run around, I could study, and Tom could be bored out of his mind. 

Then dinner, topped off with Thad going to bed a little earlier than usual.

Now, I'm sitting here trying to collect a bunch of photos to send to my sister-in-law so that she and my niece can make a photo book of the family for Tom's mom. In having done so, I have come across so many wonderful pictures that I forgot even existed.

This photo was taken during our trip to Europe during the Christmas of 2006. I think I was pretending that I wasn't working at some below-minimum-wage small town newspaper at the time, and that I was instead some rich bazillionaire who was about to partake in a little bit o' shopping.

Me and Thad, when he was only about a month old, on the drive from New York to Michigan. See the lovely trach necklace I'm sporting? Almost as cool as his sunglasses, right!? Lol.

My favorite place to be in the summers - Lake Michigan. More specifically, Holland or Grand Haven. The water is absolutely perfect, and the weather is just what the doctor ordered after months and months of bitter cold and wind and snow and ice and bitter cold and wind and snow and ice.

To date, this is one of my favorite photos of Tom and me. It was taken at the little pub below our hotel in Amsterdam. I'd like to take this moment to note that the two of us engaged in a lot of drinking that trip and - unbeknownst to me - I was pregnant at the time. So if Thad ever seems a little "off" to you, I take full responsibility. Ha. 

The night we got engaged. That was a fun night. We did what every girl dreams of doing on the night she gets engaged - hung out with good friends at a bar, then headed to Canada to play some pool at the local strip clubs. We are a class act, ladies and gentlemen. ;)

The day we got married. I love this picture - look at how youthful we are. Then we had a child...and now we both have large circles under our eyes and our hair is turning gray. Lol. 

I truly love this man. Can you tell?

When I took this picture, I knew in a second that Thad would grow up to be just like Tom...here they were, both watching the news while Tom sipped his morning coffee. Thad was a whopping 4 days old in this photo. And look at how orange he is from his jaundice! He's like my little oompa loompa. 

Two of the most important guys in my life. They were made for each other. And, they were made for me. 

I love my little family so much. 

So, so much.

...

Be still.

My heart.

Lurve.

Remember how I talked about how excited I was for some upcoming photo shoots?

Um, today was Round 1.

Are you in love with this little girl as much as I am?

Because for reals, I might have to steal her in the middle of the night. Seriously. I know where she lives.

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep.

About a year ago, I was perusing one of the online forums that I belong to full of other photographers, and I noticed a woman who mentioned being a member of an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. Curious as to what this was, I googled it.

The first thing I saw was the organization's mission statement:

To introduce remembrance photography to parents suffering the loss of a baby with the free gift of professional portraiture. We believe these images serve as an important step in the family's healing process by honoring their child's legacy.

This entire concept struck a chord inside of me, although to this day, I really am not sure why. Having been blessed with a beautiful, healthy baby boy in September of 2007, I could in no way relate to the loss or suffering that these families were experiencing. What I could do, however, was give myself to this organization with the hope of being able to help at least one of these families in this grieving process.

So I applied, and 6 weeks later I was accepted.

Being a member of this organization is in no way glamorous. When people ask me about it, they walk away from the conversation, I am convinced, thinking that I am some crazy, morbid person. I mean, I willingly dedicate myself to different times each month in which I use my camera to photograph children who have passed away?

To which my response is, "Absolutely." Because if people like myself, and those who volunteer as well, weren't around for this, how else would these families be able to capture beautiful memories of their darling children?

The joy of being a parent is extraordinary - even if that joy is fleeting. Don't these parents deserve the same chance to look upon that joy and remember it for what it is - and what it was - through moments captured on film?

I believe that they do, which is why I whole-heartedly believe in this organization.

If you are a photographer in the Grand Rapids, MI, area, I encourage you to attend our informational meeting on April 18. If only to listen to some testimonials and think about the potential - that's all I ask.

If you are a photographer in another area of the country, I encourage you to contact the organization through their Web site, Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep,  to see if they have meetings in your area or if there is even a chapter of photographers established where you are. So many parents miss out on this gift because there simply aren't any photographers in the area who have given themselves to this cause.

If you have any questions regarding the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep foundation, or the meeting in the Grand Rapids area in April, please feel free to contact me at catherinejeter@mac.com.

There is no foot too small that it cannot leave an imprint on this world.

P.S. - If you are interested in viewing a slide show by local NILMDTS photographer, Lisa Ruff, click here.

Photo shoots, photo shoots, photo shoots and...finals.

I don't think you quite understand what it's like to discover your passion (unless, of course, you've already discovered your passion then you're thinking, "uh, yeah, actually...I do know what it's like.").

But for those of you who don't - I have to tell you, it's the most glorious thing, and yet the worst thing in the world, all at the same time.

Discovering photography was of course, the best thing I could have done for myself.

However, the sleepless nights thinking about upcoming shoots and ideas? Yeah, that part sucks.

I have 6 shoots in the next week-and-a-half, and I literally spend every night falling asleep late, and waking up early because I have one million thoughts and exciting ideas running through my mind.

I've even begun to keep a log of all these random thoughts, so that I remember to try them out.

Some of the things I'm looking forward to trying?

Pink and yellow petti skirts with matching parasols.

My new seamless backdrop (sea green/sky blue color) with clouds in the upper corner, and a little girl in a yellow skirt in the bottom right.

A newborn with angel wings.

A newborn on a vintage scale.

A lace romper on a 2-year-old girl with pearls.

A princess-themed shoot for a Mother's Day gift.

A newborn with teddy bears.

Railroad tracks and three sweet kiddos.

And oh so many more.

I'm also getting more and more thrilled about my two upcoming boudoir sessions. For reals, people - they're going to rock.

I can't even handle the excitement.

Hopefully, amidst all the chaos, I'll be able to stomach a test or two...or three.

Ugh. 

I hate law school.

March 17.

What a night.

On this St. Patrick's Day evening, on this last day of my project 365, I met with a family in the neonatal until at the Children's Hospital. This family had a precious little baby, three months old, who could not eat or breathe on her own. The decision was made to pull her from her life support this Saturday...but, before they did so, they wanted photos taken of her, with her...for them.

I can't even imagine the heartache that comes with this situation. As the day draws closer and closer, I can imagine that you begin to suffocate under the weight of that moment when the machines are turned off and you lose your child. I can tell you that I spent only 2 hours with this family, and I am heartbroken.

I squeezed this little baby's toes. And I told her that it was lovely to have been able to meet her. And, as I walked to the car, knowing that I will return after all the machines have been turned off this weekend for more photos, I cried.

I sobbed, actually.

And then I went to our babysitter's house, walked in the door, and gave Thad the biggest hug and kiss I could muster.

Life is so incredibly fragile. And pregnancy alone is such a miracle - it's amazing when you think about all of the children who are born each and every day without any problems. I am so thankful to God that after Thad was born, we were able to take him home.

And love him. And enjoy him. And learn from him. And allow him to enjoy the sunshine.

Seriously. 

I am so, so thankful.