The. Dentist.

I took Thad to the dentist today, for his very first visit. Ever. When we pulled up to the office, he asked me where we were. I told him we were at the tooth doctor, and they just wanted to look in his mouth.

I wish you could have seen the look of fear that overcame my child at that very moment. It was like it was instinctual - never before had I told him any stories about the dentist, but he suddenly knew, in his heart of hearts, that he was terrified.

The conversation in the lobby, as I was filling out his paperwork, went something like this:

Thad: Mommy? Where's the dentist?

Me: He's back behind that door, visiting with other little kids who need their teeth looked at, too.

Thad: Kids? Kids go to the dentist?

Me: Yep. All kids go to the dentist.

Thad: Oh.

    .....mommy?

Me: Yes?

Thad: I'm not a kid, so I don't need to see the dentist. I'm a big person.

Me: You mean you're an adult?

Thad: Yep. I'm an adult and I don't need to see the dentist.

Me: Well, actually, if you're an adult, you will see the dentist a lot more than a kid will.

Thad: Oh.

(At this moment the most horrifying sound came from my child's rear-end. It was long, and loud, and it sent women in the office running out with their screaming children.)

Thad: Mommy?

Me: Yes, honey?

Thad: I tooted.

Me: Thank you for sharing honey. Now what do you say?

Thad: Excuse me.

Me: You're excused. You know, you don't have to share it with me every time you toot. I promise.

Thad: Ok.

     .....mommy?

Me: Yes?

Thad: Can we go home?

Me: No, honey. We cannot go home.

And then we were called back to the office.

I have to say, I was truly horrified at the possibilities of how this visit with the dentist would go, especially hearing stories from other moms whose children weren't allowed to go back with their parents, or whose children were scolded by the dentist because they were scared. I was ready to lay into any man in a white coat who wasn't completely understanding of the fact that my child is not yet three years old.

But, it was wonderful! Thad sat on my lap the whole time, and let the dentist look into his mouth and look at his tongue. He got a clean bill of health, and we were told that the brown spots on his front teeth were developmental in the womb (the result of a likely high fever) and that his adult teeth would not be impacted. That was a huge relief.

At the end of the visit, the kid walked away with a whole new set of Cars toothbrush, paste, floss, stickers, and toys. He also got to pick a toy out of the bin, and got some sugar-free candy.

As we were leaving, this is how it went:

Thad: Mommy?

Me: Yes?

Thad: I like the dentist. He gave me toys and candy. That's fun.