Sleep. Apnea.

Would you be impressed if I told you that I was blahging from my Equity & Remedies class?

Because I am.

Anyways, I went to the doctor today.

It's funny how those words just kind of roll off my tongue. Like, "I woke up this morning," or, "I blinked my eyes today."

I had to see my doctor since I'm going in for surgery on Tuesday. So, you know, she had to make sure that my heart was still beating and that I still had some sort of blood pressure. Then she had to charge me $35 to basically say, "Ok. You can have surgery."

Thanks, doc.

In all reality, I love my doctor.

But I really, really, really wish that I could just leave her office once - just once - and not have a prescription to refill or some sort of new disorder to research on the Internet.

While inspecting my throat today, she expressed her concerns that I may have sleep apnea.

I kind of blew her off, thinking that I knew a lot of people with sleep apnea, and most of them were 55-year-old, 700-pound men who wore breathing machines and slept in entirely different rooms from anyone else in their family.

But, then I got to class. And, for lack of anything better to do (especially pay attention to my professor), I started to research the disorder.

This is what I found the symptoms to include:

1. Loud snoring

Um, I don't know that you could classify it as "loud," but I am aware that I definitely snore (on occasion). In fact, my husband loves to inform me of those instances in which he spent the evening listening to the back of my throat make crazy gurgling sounds while my nose simultaneously tried to match it.

Thanks, honey. ;)

2. Restless sleep

All I can say is that I have actually dragged Tom to Bed, Bath & Beyond more than once to purchase feather overlays for our mattress. But I am THIS CLOSE to buying a sleep number bed.

Sleep, while it is my favorite activity, is not something I do well.

3. Sleepiness during the day time

If this is true, I could be the poster child for sleep apnea.

I have been known to sleep in my car on the side of the road, with the hopes of gaining at least a few minutes of rest before heading home to relieve the babysitter.

I have also been known to sleep in an IMAX movie.

I've even been that person that embarrassingly makes a hard jerking motion in the middle of class when I dream that I am falling fast toward the ground, and wake up right before smacking my face on the concrete.

I have spent all this time blaming my medication. Maybe it's a little bit of sleep apnea, too?

4. Weight gain

Oh, let's not even go there.

So there you have it, kids. Apparently I have sleep apnea. While sleeping at night, the folds of my neck attempt to suffocate me in short little intervals, for sometimes minutes at a time.

This would also explain why my friend, Tonya, after sleeping over at her place a few months back, told me that she freaked out in the middle of the night a couple of times because I stopped breathing.

Awesome.

Anyone want to trade for a body that isn't trying to kill itself!?