The bitch is back.

Big medical update.

Big.

Huge.

About 3 weeks ago I went to California for my cousin's wedding. The first night I was there, I woke up around 3am completely unable to breathe. I was taking very short, shallow breaths just to make it through the night. Very, very scary.

Since then, my breathing has been extremely labored. And when I say the word 'extremely,' I am comparing it to the days when I was 7 months pregnant, sitting on the couch, and Tom could hear me. So yeah...pretty bad.

I was able to get to the doctor today (finally!) and they did a scope of my throat and neck to see if it was just gradual closing, or if there was some inflammation going on.

When they were done, I was once again told that "things looked pretty angry."

So, I'm welcoming the Wegener's back with a bottle of wine. It's like a coming-home party, except instead of shouting, "Surprise! We love you!" I want to kick it in the face and smother it with a pillow.

I am having surgery next Wednesday to dilate my throat. No big deal - I actually look forward to those surgeries.

Afterwards, they will hit me with some steroids and hope that it throws the Wegener's back into remission.

If it doesn't, we start a brand new regimen of different medications.

Either way, here we go again.

I was pretty fucking upset at first. I cried from the doctor's office to Thad's preschool, which is about 30 minutes, at least.

Then I pulled my shit together and realized that it just isn't worth it.

I'm scared. I thought for sure I had kicked this thing in the ass and that it wouldn't be around to bother me for awhile. The fact that it has come back so quickly concerns me and will, no doubt, keep me up at night.

But no matter how scared I am, or how much sleep I lose, life goes on. 

Right?

Thaddeus and I spent the entire afternoon outside today, because I just couldn't handle being indoors. It was way too beautiful.

He rode bikes with the neighbor girls and we drew pictures with chalk.

We also came across a really beautiful caterpillar in the neighbor's tomato garden that sparked the interest of all the kids in the neighborhood for a good 30 minutes.

I really do love the sound of kids playing outside. It was a very soothing afternoon, after a really shitty morning.