Pregnancy.

I've been complaining up and down to my husband, some e-friends, and even on Facebook about this current pregnancy. Then I remembered I have a blahg where I can freely complain about everything and anything I want because, well, it's my blahg. So I'll spare all the aforementioned groups from my latest rants...unless, of course, they read this. ;)

Pregnancy with Thad was nothing short of amazing. I felt great. My weight gain was right on par. I never had swollen anything. He wasn't real high, and he wasn't real low -- so my back was great, I never had the pressing urge to pee 14 times a night. Nothing.

Even when I was forced to get a tracheostomy with Thad, I felt great. Yes, my neck hurt and it was painful to turn my head, but I only had 5 weeks left at that point and I still felt well enough to leave the house and resume my daily activities. I was pretty sure I could be pregnant forever, and remember feeling nostalgic the day I went into labor -- I wasn't ready to be done feeling his kicks and hiccups from the inside!

This time?

Oh this time is totally different. And from what I understand, totally normal for girls. Which begs the question - is this where the complicated relationship between a mother and her daughter is first formed? Because I totally get it.

My weight gain with this baby has been anything but normal. Each check-up has produced a weight loss, or maybe a gain of one or two pounds. But the scale hasn't really changed. Around 29 weeks, I started to notice some considerable swelling -- at the doctor's office, I had gained 12 pounds!! The doctor figured it was water weight and, the following week, I had lost 4 pounds. So maybe she was right, who knows. But I am still incredibly swollen.

It was also right around 29 weeks when I first experienced the baby being up in my ribs. I had heard of this before, and heard it was uncomfortable, but never really had a clue just what that kind of discomfort felt like. I described it to Tom like having a huge gas bubble in my sternum that wouldn't go away. With the occasional kick or punch from Version 2.0, it feels a bit like someone punching me in that gas bubble...which, on occasion, sends me rushing to the nearest toilet to lose whatever I've recently put in my mouth.

Being in my ribs was temporary for the first week or so, and then I think she decided that she liked it. She's in there 24 hours a day, now.

Anyone who has experienced this knows what comes next.

I can't sit straight up, which makes emptying my bladder a real challenge. Lol. I drive like a 17-year-old gangster, with my seat tilted way back. Eating is a chore - I get thru a few bites, and I'm stuffed (and even more uncomfortable). Riding in the car is like asking me if I want to shove 100 knives into my chest just for shits and giggles. I have so many photo sessions to edit right now, but sitting at my computer for any length of time over 30 minutes produces incredible back aches. So I'm extremely far behind with my work.

Going to bed at night has become my least favorite part of the day. Laying on my right side is painful, simply because she is leaning that way. Laying on my left side is fine, but it doesn't do the trick all night long. They don't recommend that you sleep on your back while pregnant, but on the occasion that I do, it feels alright...until I get up. Then it's like every bone in my upper body is broken. It's odd.

To get out of bed, I have to actually hoist myself up. I usually pull up using the sheets, but sometimes I will reach for the knobs on the dresser next to my side. I make so many old lady creaks and sounds, that it's actually embarrassing.

Poor Thad. Every time he wants to do something with me, my answer is usually, "Sorry buddy, mommy can't right now." Tom has been out of town for a few days, and Thad has seriously had to learn to thrive. Lol. I was helping him with a movie in the DVD player earlier, and something feel. Thad quickly bent down to pick it up without a thought and said, "I'll get it mom. I don't want you to hurt yourself because you're pregnant."

Oh, my love. He makes me heart melt.

I am almost 32 weeks along, and the plan all this time has been to induce at 37. Now the plan has suddenly changed to 39. I'm not really sure why, but I have another appointment on Monday and I am going to try and convince them to revert back to Plan A. I have no doubt that these last 3 weeks have sent me spiraling into some sort of depression. I don't want to leave my house, and showering in the morning has become a real chore. I can't imagine being much more sleep deprived than I already am, and if a newborn comes with only two or three wake-ups in the night, then I'll already be getting more sleep then than I have in these last weeks.

After I put Thad to bed last night, I came downstairs for some orange juice. I took a look at the calendar and saw that I am a good 2 months away from having this baby and just burst into tears.

I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I honestly don't know if I can physically or mentally endure it for another 7 weeks.