Happy 1-week, baby girl!

Well, technically she's 8 days old in this photo...but I've never really been a stickler for minor details.

Charlotte celebrated her first whole week of life by gaining just enough weight to be admitted into the "Four Pound Club." She's getting huge, I tell ya. ;)

She is also continuing to practice the suck/swallow/breathe technique, and a couple times a day she will stay awake just long enough to take about 15mL of breast milk from a bottle. Again, the doctor has been pretty impressed with this since most babies don't even begin to show interest in feeding for themselves until 34 weeks (Charlotte is only 33). He even labeled her "advanced," which gives me renewed hope that she is going to bust out of the NICU far earlier than most textbooks suggest.

Home girl loves to poop. I swear it's her favorite thing to do. Well, not that it's her favorite thing to do - but I think she gets secret joy when Tom or I change her diaper because she always - ALWAYS - poops again immediately after, or in the middle of the change. Yesterday, I witnessed poop fly across the incubator right before I was about to secure her new diaper.

Stinker.

Tom calls her his little scrappy girl, or scrappy doo.

I still call her my favorite little kangaroo.

To mark her first week, I took a camera to the NICU and got some photos of her sleeping, hanging out, being measured, etc.

These were some of my favorites. :)

The past few nights I have found myself at the hospital well past midnight, and it's really wearing me out. Obviously I am exhausted, but emotionally it has been draining simply because I haven't had the chance to spend hardly any time with Thaddeus at all. I am really anxious to start dividing my attention between my children when we're all in the same room together, lol. Until then, Tom has already left to visit with Charlotte for the morning, so Thad and I are going to have a "Mommy and Me" day until I head up there in the late afternoon.

Maybe we'll go see a movie and do lunch.

Either way, I'm anxious to spend time with my favorite little man.

A great day.

Baby Charlotte had a fantastic day today.

They have officially upped her milk intake to 35mL per feeding, and she is showing no signs of having any digestion problems or spitting up too frequently. In other words...she likes mama's milk. ;)

The only challenge that her current intake poses is the fact that, 6 days after delivery, I am only producing between 40mL and 60mL of breast milk each time I pump. I am pumping every three hours around the clock, keeping on her schedule, but it pretty much leaves no room for "I'm too busy to pump," or, "3am? Really? I'd rather sleep." Lol.

In fact, as I write this, Tom is making a midnight run to the hospital with about 3 bottles of breast milk just to stay ahead of the game.

Have I mentioned how absolutely phenomenal and supportive my husband is? Not only does he hang out with me during each pumping session, but he loves on me during the random moments throughout the day when my hormonally over-driven self starts to cry for no reason. Lol.

Anyways, back to the baby.

Aside from upping her milk, they also removed her IV today. This is huge. Not that it's necessarily a milestone (it is), but she no longer has a big ol' fucking needle sticking out of her hand. Every time I see that thing it makes me cringe, so to know now that both of her hands are free and clear - it makes me so happy.

Because she is no longer baking under the lights for jaundice, we have been able to do more skin-to-skin time. Tom took the morning shift, and I went for the afternoon/evening.

I have to say, watching Tom do skin-to-skin with Charlotte is what has already led me to nickname her my little kangaroo. He tucks her into his polo shirt, and all you can see are her little eyes and lips popping out the top. It's so damn adorable, I can't even begin to describe it. And I'd take a picture of it, but they might take his Man Card. So you'll just have to use your imagination.

It's so weird - there is something about being in the NICU, under very dim lights, with the hum of the machines - even in my most awake state, the second they place that baby on my chest, I am out. She and I just lay there together, often just sleeping with our noses touching (I used to do this with Thad as well). I take advantage of the times when her eyes are open, though - singing to her (poor girl), reading her books, laughing at the fact that she is totally incapable of seeing straight and always has her eyes crossed. She was doing an awful lot of fist pumping today - clearly she was excited about the great day she had.

The final victory of the day was the fact that she drank 15mL of milk from a bottle. Like I mentioned earlier, the suck/swallow technique doesn't typically occur in babies earlier than 34 weeks. So she's a little shy of being of age for this kind of thing - to take half of her feeding with the bottle was a huge deal. Remember - 48 hours straight of bottle and/or breast feeding, coupled with a few other things, and this little girl will be able to go home.

So we will definitely continue to work on this one!

With all of the fuss about a brand new baby, it has started to feel like Thaddeus is being set aside. That has been one of the most emotionally difficult things about this whole process of having a baby in the NICU - not only is my time divided, but it's divided in such a way that I'm not even home.

Two days ago, Tom called me at the hospital to let me know that Thad had taken his training wheels off his bike and was officially riding around the neighborhood like a big boy. All he kept asking Tom was, "Will mommy be home in time to see me ride my bike?" Of course I was. And we took him out that night for his Big Brother dinner to celebrate. But it was still hard to miss that milestone in his life.

Yesterday, he took his first huge fall off the bike since the training wheels came off. Now, Thad rarely cries out of pain...or really, ever. But according to Tom, he was beside himself. And of course, I wasn't here to console him. Tom said he kept saying, "I want my mommy!" over and over. Ugh. My heart aches over little things like this.

Even though I am having a hard time balancing Thad, Charlotte, pumping, school, and even photo sessions (yes, I am already working again, lol), I am thankful to have such a wonderful support system. My friend Danielle has been incredibly helpful; our neighbor, Jodie, is a God-send; and we have several friends who have brought meals to us or volunteered to help with babysitting. I am so thankful to everyone who has reached out to us, aiding in this process.

Tomorrow, I'll post some photos. Maybe they'll be of Thad on two wheels...he's pretty damn proud. And so am I. ;)

Charlotte Rae

Remember the last time I posted, how I ended with the thought that I did not know if I would be able to physically or emotionally endure another seven weeks of pregnancy?

It turns out I was right. My body was ready to give out.

On Tuesday, July 3, I went in for a routine check-up of the baby.

I had gained 16 pounds, but I hadn't been eating.

My blood pressure was also teetering in the "you should be having seizures" zone.

Right away, my doctor knew I had pre-eclampsia.

The thing about pre-e is that many women who catch it in time can be on bed rest and monitor themselves, with the hopes that their baby will cook a little longer. But there is no "cure" for it, other than to have the baby. I was admitted to the hospital right away, with the *hope* that I could let her stay inside awhile, and give her some more time to really fully develop.

My doctor started me on a regiment of magnesium and oral blood pressure medication. When my numbers wouldn't go down, they decided to induce labor.

Again, we tried for the most "natural" route as possible, hoping my cervix would dilate and I could have a vaginal delivery. The problem with this was that the baby's heart rate was dipping just low enough to make the doctors uncomfortable. My high risk OB figured that between my Wegener's, and the pre-eclampsia, it was best to get the baby out.

So, they took her via c-section.

I won't lie. The c-section was miserable. They had to do a lot of pushing and prodding on my upper body - where the spinal didn't exactly reach. So there were moments on the table where I was literally crying, "Get her out of me!" and there were other times where I would just pass out and start snoring. Lol.

According to Tom, the doctors were having a hay day with that one.

Charlotte Rae was eventually born on Wednesday, July 4, at 1:50pm.

She was 17 inches long, weighing in at a whopping 3 pounds, 15 ounces. A total bruiser. ;)

Being born at 32 weeks presents certain complications for any baby. Charlotte is currently taking up residency in the NICU at the Children's Hospital which totally sucks...but she's in good hands. She has battled a little bit of jaundice, so she has spent two days under the lights, but her numbers have been fairly low and not of any concern.

Her glucose is great, and each day they increase her feedings. She is officially taking in 28mL of milk with each feeding, every 3 hours. And, I am happy to report, she is no longer being supplemented with formula since my milk has started to come in. That has been the greatest relief--having a baby in the NICU makes it that much more important to you when you want to breastfeed to be able to do so. I can't explain it.

Aside from the days when she has had to bake under the lights, we have started skin-to-skin time. We lay on a recliner with her, exposed to our chests, with a blanket and we just chill out. This is, by far, my favorite times with her. For the most part, she sleeps, but every now and then - right before feeding time - she wakes up and looks around. Her response to mine and Tom's voice is heart-melting, and while we always start with her on my chest, she has always moved up to nuzzle right into my neck by the time we are done.

I am so in love with this little girl.

There are three things that Charlotte has to do before they will discharge her from the hospital.

(1) She has to go a full 48 hours without the feeding tube, eating from either a bottle or the boob. This will most likely be our greatest hurdle in getting her home, since most babies don't begin to even flirt with the idea of suckling until at least 34 weeks. Yesterday, she was 33.

(2) She has to regulate her own body temperature. In the NICU, they call this "pop the top" - meaning, they can take the top of her incubator off and allow her to breathe in the fresh air. She has to be a certain weight before they will try this and she is literally only fractions of a gram away. I wouldn't be surprised if this happens within a day or two.

(3) She has to gain weight. It's common for brand new babies - premature or not - to lose weight during their first week in the hospital, so this isn't all too concerning. She is down a couple ounces, but we expect that to start rebounding soon.

Overall, she is absolutely perfect. The doctors have even described her as being "very healthy," which gives me great hope and relief. At this point, no one sees any reason why she should be battling any kind of developmental disabilities because of her prematurity. She's just a little small and needs some help to grow. ;)

As you can see from the photo, she looks a lot like Tom and Thad. But I think she looks a little like me, too. ;)  Her hair is dark, and there is a little curl on the side. She has total monkey toes - just like her brother. She is constantly pulling at her cords and IV with her feet, lol.

I will try to get some more pictures as time goes on. I obviously want to document her stay in the NICU, but it's a fine balance between wanting to do that and feeling really weird taking photos of my child hooked up to a bunch of monitors.

In the meantime, Tom and I are sharing our time between being home and being with her. Yesterday, I spent the entire day at the hospital while Tom stayed at home - he felt like he was maybe battling a cold and didn't want to be near her. Feeling better today, he has already headed to the hospital while I stay home with Thad. When he gets home later this afternoon, I will take off to spend the evening with her.

The most difficult thing thus far, aside from her being in the NICU, is having to balance life with a 5-year-old while also wanting to spend every waking moment with Charlotte. While the nurses in the NICU are wonderful, they aren't caretakers. They don't get paid to sit there with the babies, and hold them, and give them the love that they need. So every moment away tugs at my heart, as I realize she is getting almost no interaction or stimulation, aside from the occasional diaper change. There are some babies in the NICU whose parents I have never even seen - it breaks my heart for them, wondering what life situations could be keeping their parents away.

Thank you again for the constant good thoughts and prayers. Tom, Thad and I have felt every single one of them. It's pretty obvious how well-loved this little girl is - for her to be doing so well, so early, is pretty indicative of the amount of prayer and support she has behind her. I am so grateful for all of our family and friends.

I will continue to use my blahg to update on how Charlotte is doing. Hopefully, soon enough, I will be writing a, "She's coming home!" post.

Pregnancy.

I've been complaining up and down to my husband, some e-friends, and even on Facebook about this current pregnancy. Then I remembered I have a blahg where I can freely complain about everything and anything I want because, well, it's my blahg. So I'll spare all the aforementioned groups from my latest rants...unless, of course, they read this. ;)

Pregnancy with Thad was nothing short of amazing. I felt great. My weight gain was right on par. I never had swollen anything. He wasn't real high, and he wasn't real low -- so my back was great, I never had the pressing urge to pee 14 times a night. Nothing.

Even when I was forced to get a tracheostomy with Thad, I felt great. Yes, my neck hurt and it was painful to turn my head, but I only had 5 weeks left at that point and I still felt well enough to leave the house and resume my daily activities. I was pretty sure I could be pregnant forever, and remember feeling nostalgic the day I went into labor -- I wasn't ready to be done feeling his kicks and hiccups from the inside!

This time?

Oh this time is totally different. And from what I understand, totally normal for girls. Which begs the question - is this where the complicated relationship between a mother and her daughter is first formed? Because I totally get it.

My weight gain with this baby has been anything but normal. Each check-up has produced a weight loss, or maybe a gain of one or two pounds. But the scale hasn't really changed. Around 29 weeks, I started to notice some considerable swelling -- at the doctor's office, I had gained 12 pounds!! The doctor figured it was water weight and, the following week, I had lost 4 pounds. So maybe she was right, who knows. But I am still incredibly swollen.

It was also right around 29 weeks when I first experienced the baby being up in my ribs. I had heard of this before, and heard it was uncomfortable, but never really had a clue just what that kind of discomfort felt like. I described it to Tom like having a huge gas bubble in my sternum that wouldn't go away. With the occasional kick or punch from Version 2.0, it feels a bit like someone punching me in that gas bubble...which, on occasion, sends me rushing to the nearest toilet to lose whatever I've recently put in my mouth.

Being in my ribs was temporary for the first week or so, and then I think she decided that she liked it. She's in there 24 hours a day, now.

Anyone who has experienced this knows what comes next.

I can't sit straight up, which makes emptying my bladder a real challenge. Lol. I drive like a 17-year-old gangster, with my seat tilted way back. Eating is a chore - I get thru a few bites, and I'm stuffed (and even more uncomfortable). Riding in the car is like asking me if I want to shove 100 knives into my chest just for shits and giggles. I have so many photo sessions to edit right now, but sitting at my computer for any length of time over 30 minutes produces incredible back aches. So I'm extremely far behind with my work.

Going to bed at night has become my least favorite part of the day. Laying on my right side is painful, simply because she is leaning that way. Laying on my left side is fine, but it doesn't do the trick all night long. They don't recommend that you sleep on your back while pregnant, but on the occasion that I do, it feels alright...until I get up. Then it's like every bone in my upper body is broken. It's odd.

To get out of bed, I have to actually hoist myself up. I usually pull up using the sheets, but sometimes I will reach for the knobs on the dresser next to my side. I make so many old lady creaks and sounds, that it's actually embarrassing.

Poor Thad. Every time he wants to do something with me, my answer is usually, "Sorry buddy, mommy can't right now." Tom has been out of town for a few days, and Thad has seriously had to learn to thrive. Lol. I was helping him with a movie in the DVD player earlier, and something feel. Thad quickly bent down to pick it up without a thought and said, "I'll get it mom. I don't want you to hurt yourself because you're pregnant."

Oh, my love. He makes me heart melt.

I am almost 32 weeks along, and the plan all this time has been to induce at 37. Now the plan has suddenly changed to 39. I'm not really sure why, but I have another appointment on Monday and I am going to try and convince them to revert back to Plan A. I have no doubt that these last 3 weeks have sent me spiraling into some sort of depression. I don't want to leave my house, and showering in the morning has become a real chore. I can't imagine being much more sleep deprived than I already am, and if a newborn comes with only two or three wake-ups in the night, then I'll already be getting more sleep then than I have in these last weeks.

After I put Thad to bed last night, I came downstairs for some orange juice. I took a look at the calendar and saw that I am a good 2 months away from having this baby and just burst into tears.

I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I honestly don't know if I can physically or mentally endure it for another 7 weeks.

Worst. Blogger. Evah.

You know, there once was a time when I would update my blahg sometimes two or three times a day. I can't believe it's been over a month since I've posted anything...yikes.

I'm not really sure why my incessant need to document my thoughts has subsided a bit over these past months. Maybe it's the times. Maybe it's the pregnancy. Maybe I just have too damn much going on already, lol. Either way, I thought this morning would be a perfect time to update you all on the Jeters, throw in some pictures of that kid I like to call "my favorite monkey," and who knows what else.

Either way, this blahg entry is destined to be replete with spelling errors because I went and got a full set of acrylics yesterday and they're too long. So. There you go.

Photography update.
I think the photography gods are trying to prepare me as best as they can for my own newborn pictures of baby Charlotte.

I should probably pause here and clear the confusion - yes, baby Charlotte is the name of the baby in my ute. Charlotte Rae, to be exact. It's ok if you're in love with the name...we are, too.

Anyways, as I was saying - when she arrives, I will obviously be taking a day (or 12) to do her own newborn photos. Since newborns aren't exactly my strong suit, I had considered maybe even hiring someone. But that's just silly. Over the past weeks (and in the coming weeks), it seems as though my only sessions on the books have been newborns. I have another one coming to the studio tomorrow! So it's been awesome practice.

This little guy actually belongs to my friend, Pam. I'll post her favorite birth pic first, and then you can see his handsome face. Oh man, I am so in love with him. He's awesome. I hope my own baby is this cute, lol.

Next weekend I am traveling to Washington, D.C., for several family photo shoots and when I come back I have two engagement shoots, a birth, a couple newborns, and several toddler sessions lined up. 'Tis the season for pictures. :)


Thaddeus update.
My child is an exact clone of his dad...in every way possible. Yes, they look alike. Well, I mean, I think they do. I don't really see it, but everyone else in the world seems to. Every now and then I catch a glimpse of Tom in a photo I've taken of Thad. For instance, this one:

This is not a look you really want to get from my husband. It a combination of a fake smile and a, "Really!?" Lol.

Aside from that, Thad also seems to be following in his dad's footsteps when it comes to his thoughts on school. Dear GOD, I hope this changes, but so far...ugh.

Me: "Thad, are you sad school is over?"

Thad: "No. I hate school."

Who in the heck hates preschool!? It only gets worse from here, unbeknownst to him. But yeah. Next year, he'll be in pre-K at a new school. I am sad to put him into a new school where he won't know anyone, but I'm also excited for this school. I've heard wonderful things about it, and it will be a far cry from where he was. He will be in school five days a week, from about 9 to 4. So there will be some huge changes!

But, now that summer break is here, we've been taking advantage of the nice weather. Oh, Lake Michigan. I will so miss this place when we get out of this state. It's the only thing I'll miss, but I'll miss it nonetheless.

Other than at the beach, Thad spends his days in the summer riding bikes and running thru sprinklers with the neighbor kids, driving Tom and me crazy asking for popsicles every 3.7 seconds, and catering to my every need to document my child on camera.

This picture was taken on a trip to Ohio with some friends of mine. Thad found his first little lady love. 

And here, he was just a victim of me trying to get a picture of him going underwater. It didn't turn out how I wanted it to, but I love it just the same.

Charlotte update.
As I mentioned before, the baby in my ute is doing great. We got to see her on ultrasound a couple days ago, and she's growing right along. She is a little over two pounds - closer to three - and she lays sideways in my belly, often with her feet up by her head. Total weirdo.

She kicks with the force of a thousand ninjas. I can't even imagine what it will be like when she's like, eight pounds and still inside me. I feel like I should take out better insurance to cover the cost of my cracked ribs and deflated lungs. Thad was so chill in my belly...Charlotte has been the opposite, thus far.

She's also been the opposite for pregnancy in general.

With Thad, I had no acne. My skin was awesome. My hair growth was akin to Rapunzel. I was comfortable. I slept thru the night. I never complained. I never had swelling.

No wonder I wanted another baby.

This time around, my T-Zone resembles that of a teenager. I swear, I am constantly battling new zits. My skin hasn't changed, and my hair growth is still pretty fab. But I am not comfortable, ever. I don't sleep thru the night - we don't manage to get to bed until midnight, sometimes later, and I'm up a few hours later - wide awake - every night, until around 7, when I finally manage to fall back to sleep.

I complain all the time. Ask my husband. He'll tell you.

Oh, and I am a swollen, swollen human being. My ankles are typically cankles by noontime. It's sad, really.

I remember, when I was pregnant with Thad, that I wasn't really ready for my time being pregnant to end. Of course I wanted to meet my baby, but it was just so wonderful being able to feel his kicks inside of me, and be in such a natural state.

This time? Homegirl needs to hurry up and grow, and then move on out. I'm ready. Lol.


Update on Tom.
There really isn't a whole lot to report here.

I will take the time to say, however, that he has been such a wonderful, caring, phenomenal partner in crime - especially in these past few months. He literally waits on me hand and foot. He is my protector. He is my grocery carrier. He is my rock. I would have gone crazy awhile ago had it not been for him, keeping me grounded. And the simple fact that he even puts up with my craziness at all earns him "Husband of the Year."

Last night he took Thad and I out on what was quite possibly the first night out we've had in over a month. It was a very romantic evening of Carraba's...and Madagascar 3. Lol.

Real men watch Dreamworks.


Update on me.
I am officially 29 weeks and, like clockwork, that third trimester exhaustion has set in. It usually hits right around 4pm, where I'm suddenly unable to remember my name or what I'm doing. All I want to do is lay down and sleep forever. Instead, I push thru "the witching hour" and by the time Thad is in bed, I've usually got my second wind.

School is school. I still hate it. But whatever. My last exam is August 15, and I graduate September 23. So It's almost over.

Must.

Keep.

Pushing.

I am not teaching at ITT this summer, so my days have become pretty relaxed. Photography keeps my pretty busy, but it's nice having more time with Thad and Tom. There was a short window of time where I was literally gone every single night with some sort of school, photography, or work function and I hated it. It's nice not having to deal with that third aspect of my life.


Other updates.
We are leaving for Virginia on Tuesday to see Tom's family. I'm excited to see everyone, and spend several days relaxing. Thad keeps talking about his excitement over seeing Uncle Bruce and swimming in his pool. He starts his third round of swim lessons on Monday, so I hope he is able to relax and have more fun around water.

Once we get back from Virginia, we have a couple weeks before our anniversary. There isn't anything planned, but the day after we leave for Colorado. I'm excited to spend the 4th of July out there, and have a nice week in the Colorado summer air.

My baby shower is that week in Colorado as well, and I can't wait to see some of my friends and my mom's friends! It's been far too long without having seen some of these people.

After Colorado, we resume our normal lives for just a few short weeks...and then we have a baby.

Holy shit.

And then we have a baby.

So yeah, that's the update. I just got a little stressed with that last part, lol.

A Kidney for Samm

I've known Samm since we were at least in high school together. We never really hung out while we were in high school, but Facebook was a bit of a driving force in getting us "re-connected." She and I stayed in touch through my photography, and a few months back she contacted me about having some photos taken with her son, Brode.

It turns out that when Samm was in college, she contracted strep throat. Thru no fault of her own, it went under-treated and the inflammation from the strep caused a lot of damage over time - most specifically, to her kidneys.

Samm's kidneys are now functioning in the very low single digits. With a 3-year-old little boy in her life, she faces the possibility of not watching him grow up, like most of us aspire to do with our children. She is officially a candidate for dialysis (that will start within six to eight weeks), but the thing that will actually save her life is a kidney transplant.

Being a sick mom myself, I understand the desperation that she must feel. I can't even watch most movies that involve the separation of a mother from her child, simply because it is a prospect I could one day face -- and I'm not ready to face it today. I can't even imagine being in Samm's position.

I have started a Facebook page for Samm - http://www.facebook.com/AKidneyForSamm - in an effort to get the word out. Samm's case isn't the only one I want people to know about; organ donation in general can save a life. It would be awesome, though, if we could find a donor for HER. And for Brode. Because I'd really love for her to have the same chance that every mother has; a chance to watch her child become a man.

If you have a moment, please check out that page and consider registering to be a donor. You never know when the shoe could be on the other foot, and you could find yourself desperately wishing for someone - anyone - to be a match. If you have a Facebook page yourself, I would love it even more if you would spread the word to your friends and family. For every 500 "Likes" to A Kidney for Samm, I will donate a free photo session.

Thank you! xoxo

Big news.

Today was a pretty big day. You know...wake up, get dressed, and find out the sex of the baby that has taken up residency in your ute. 

Typical kind of stuff.

So we showed up for the ultra sound. And by "we" - I mean my entire entourage of people - my mom, Tom, and Thad.  I got on the table, and the ultrasound tech started taking pictures.

The baby was all curled up in a ball. Every single time we go in for an ultrasound, the baby is in this position. I swear - laziest baby ever. The tech made it pretty clear that she didn't think she would be able to determine the sex because of the position of the baby.

I was super bummed.

Then, at the end - literally 45 minutes later - SHE showed the goods (or lack thereof). 

I cried instant tears when she told us it was a girl. I didn't even scrunch my face and get emotional--two tears just rolled down my face.

When my mom, Tom and Thad all stepped out so I could get prepped for an internal ultrasound, I looked straight to the sky and said, "Thank you," about 15 times.

This is the baby girl I have been praying for. I am absolutely over the moon with this news.

The first thing we did after the appointment was go to Baby GAP and buy a bunch of frilly, pink clothes. Lol.

Then...we hit the butterfly gardens. I loved using my camera for something fun, and not "work." Some of these flower photos may even be wall-worthy...we'll see.

Overall, this was a fabulous 30th birthday. We didn't do much to celebrate - but I got to spend it with my husband, my mom, and my little monkey and I got the best. news. ever. 

Finding out we have a little girl on the way could not have been a better gift.

I am so, so thankful.