Favorites.

Well, my trip to Dallas went off without a hitch.

That's not true. There were a few hiccups here and there.

You know - the usual. Missing flights. Fighting with French cab drivers. Rain all day, every day. Severe Wegener's pain in all of my joints. 

No but really, I had such a fun and amazing time.

Of course, it wasn't all play.

While Danielle and I were there, I had several sessions lined up.

One of the sessions was with Karly - a sorority sister of mine who wanted photos taken with her love, Slew.

When Karly contacted me, my first thought was, "Gorgeous girl and a horse. SOLD." And then I remembered I was terrified of horses and my next thought was, "Oh fuck."

I was a little nervous, needless to say. Lol. But Slew was the sweetest, most gentle horse I have ever witnessed. He followed Karly around like a puppy and he never once intimidated me. I told Karly that he kind of restored my faith in horses. ;)

Finally, I entitled this post "favorites." As in - this was my very favorite shoot.

But I have to move on to a new favorite - the man in my life.

It's  no secret that Tom and I have been thru our ups and downs. Well, let's be honest. We only got to experience very brief ups before the downs just really started rolling in. We were both at fault, but life was as well. It's difficult marrying into things like a newborn baby, a threatening diagnoses, a cross-country move, loss of loved ones, and a few other less than stellar things within the first year-and-a-half of saying, "I do."

But thank God - we pulled through. And we pulled through a long time ago.

Because now I find myself in a position where I am in need of a lot of help. I have been experiencing a pretty awesome flare-up of my disease which has meant chronic, sometimes debilitating pain. My joints are consistently on fire, and while I was in Dallas I needed help getting dressed. It happened again yesterday, and Tom had to put my shirt on - much like he does for Thad.

It's sad, really. I'm what? Twenty-nine years old? It may as well be in dog years, the way my body is slowly falling apart.

Anyways, we went to Cleveland yesterday for some answers. I had been avoiding my doctor for awhile because I knew what she would say, "More steroids. More chemo. See you in a few months."

The problem with this - aside from the obvious - is that Tom and I had just finally decided to start trying for baby #2. 

So when my doctor says, "More steroids, more chemo," she is also saying,"No babies for at least another year."

I was pretty devastated. 

On one hand I am thrilled to be getting the treatment I need to put my body back into remission, and to be pain free. On the other hand, I am crushed at having to wait yet another year to start trying for another baby.

I promised Tom I wouldn't lose hope, but it felt like a pretty low blow.

Anyways, the amount of love and support I have seen pour through the eyes, lips and arms of my husband has been beyond measurement. He is facing exams in only a week, and yet he refuses to wake me in the mornings, knowing I need my rest. So while he should be studying, he is instead playing Mr. Mom to Thad - watching Up, and making PBJs.

He continues to encourage me to go to the mall and shop until I drop. He seems to be the first man who understands that when I am really upset, I need to just spend money. I think that's why I had so much credit card debt in my freshman year of college - I was sad to be away from family and friends and the only thing I knew to do was buy, buy, buy.

Every night I have come home since returning from Dallas, he has had dinner and a bottle of wine waiting just for me.

And yesterday, when I cried because prednisone was going to make me even fatter, he insisted I wasn't fat. When I replied with, "No really. I am 40 pounds heavier than when you met me," he said, "You're right. You've only gotten sexier and more beautiful since the day I met you."

I am so fucking blessed to have this man in my life. I can't think of any other man who would have stuck right by me through all of this.

So yeah. Bad news from the doctor. But what can you do?

Apparently the Wegener's is presenting now in my joints and on my skin, instead of staying localized to my airway. This scares me...because it means my disease grew a pair of legs and began to walk around. He got curious, and he found something else to destroy. Now we pray that he doesn't ever get curious again, because I'm running out of "things to be thankful that Wegener's has affected instead of x, y or z."

Prayers would always be appreciated. But just know - I'm in good hands. :)